Chapter 1: Never Again Will I Seek Love

Ariana mulled over her thoughts again and again as she sat in the inky darkness.

Where did I go wrong? What was my mistake?

She had never wanted much or allowed herself to be greedy. All she'd wanted was to be loved—by her mother, her sisters, her husband and his family, and Harold Blenwitt.

She hadn't even hoped to be loved deeply. She'd have been satisfied with even a little bit of affection and recognition— a smile of praise, concern when she was sick—nothing more. All she had wanted were such simple trifles that came to most as naturally as the air they breathed.

Had she been too greedy? Was that too much to ask for someone like her? She'd already been confined in the depths of the dungeon of the imperial castle of Rozen, located in the Cameria Empire, for one year. Not a single person she'd loved and trusted had come to visit, not even once.

She'd told herself time and time again that someone was sure to come tomorrow. But such hopes had been dashed long ago. The meager meals that had, at first, come every other day were now arriving even less often than that. Loneliness was harder to bear than the excruciating hunger and thirst.

The Great Cameria Empire was encircled by its four vassal states, one in each of the four cardinal directions. Ariana had been born to Russel, the lord of the Eastern Kingdom, and Rachel, the daughter of the lord of the Western Kingdom. Immediately after giving birth to Ariana, Rachel divorced her husband and fled to the Western Kingdom, where she got remarried to Duke Jacob Bronte.

Ariana recalled her days at the mansion of Duke Bronte very clearly.

Her mother had always seemed happy, and her adoptive father Jacob, though rather inflexible, had been kind. Helena, her older sister, had been immature but cheerful, and her younger sister Victoria had been precocious and sophisticated for her age. Then there had been the youngest, Joysen. The Bronte mansion had been warm and peaceful, but there had been no place for Ariana there.

She also recalled how she'd spent her days at Count Alfrehi's mansion. Her husband Ingo Alfrehi, her mother-in-law Raone, and her sister-in-law Elise—the same age as Ariana—had also lived at the mansion. Everyone had been on good terms, but Ariana hadn't fit in there, either.

Harold Blenwitt, the third prince and now emperor, had been the only one who cared for Ariana. It was Harold who'd given her the love and trust her family never gave her.

"I like clever women, like you."

"I prefer useful women like you, Ariana, rather than senseless weaklings who try to wheedle their way into a man's arms with a smile."

"If I ever take the throne, you'll be one of my most useful treasures. My court will be your new home."

She had believed him, and had become his sword in the darkness until he rose to the throne. She'd helped him strike the Eastern Kingdom, which was one of the more powerful of the vassal states. She'd also drawn out the ruler of the Southern Kingdom from hiding and facilitated his decapitation. She'd shown no hesitation when helping Harold attack the Eastern Kingdom.

She cherished Harold’s love far more than the biological father she had never once spoken with. She'd brought information that could be used against the ruler of the Northern Kingdom, who had the emperor and the crown prince's trust. She had nearly died multiple times while doing this.

During her time as a spy, she'd even been captured and subjected to torture, to which she had quietly submitted. Being useful to someone had been so important to Ariana that even torture had tasted sweet to her.

Harold had been the craftiest of the many princes, but because the crown prince monopolized the emperor's love and trust, it had not seemed very likely that Harold would ever take the throne. Ariana had waded through the gutters to give him a chance, and Harold had successfully managed to kill both his father and the crown prince before taking the throne for himself.

The imperial court was now Harold's, but Ariana was not granted even the tiniest corner of the palace. Ariana couldn't understand it. All she'd ever done was to be born, and to survive. So why was life so cruel to her?

"What did I ever do to deserve this...?" Her cracked, hoarse voice sounded strange to her ears. "What more was I supposed to do?" Ariana covered her face with both hands.

She could feel her broken, damaged skin under her parched fingertips. Her starvation meant that the lightest of touches would cause her hair to fall out in clumps. The hunger and thirst that were her constant companions now even stopped her tears from flowing.

Creak.

The heavy doors of the dungeon slid open. The light footsteps she heard weren't those of the jailer who usually brought her food. Despite her dire situation, she felt a glimmer of hope. Would she finally be released?

She lowered her hands and looked up. A noblewoman was standing outside the bars of her cell with a lantern. She wasn't particularly beautiful, but a happy smile made her face positively shine.

"Helena..." Ariana said.

"No, that's Duchess Dekan to you," Helena said in a singsong voice, grinning. "You look terrible, by the way. The hair that you were so proud of is all gone, too. Anyone who saw you would think you were a monster.”

Helena looked cheerful despite her sister's sorry condition. Ariana crawled over to the bars on her knees, then grabbed them and looked up. The last of her sky-blue hair flowed down her roughened cheeks and shoulders.

"Helena, when can I get out of here?"

Helena frowned slightly and kicked Ariana away from the bars. "I told you to call me Duchess Dekan."

Ariana, weak and starved, was sent flying even by the flimsy blow. Helena laughed coldly at the sight of Ariana sprawled out on the floor.

"In any case, you'll be out soon."

Ariana brightened visibly, but her newfound hope was swiftly crushed.

"If you count dying as getting out, that is."

"D-dying?"

"Well, yes. It was your fault the former emperor died. And the crown prince, too."

Ariana's gaze wavered. She might have obeyed every order she had received in her quest for affection, but she was no idiot.

"So doubts are being raised about the former emperor's death. And I'm to be the scapegoat, aren't I?"

"What do you mean, scapegoat? It was all you. You snuck into the crown prince's bedroom and put a dagger in his heart. You also poisoned the emperor's medicine."

It was true that she'd provided the information and opportunities necessary for the assassinations, but Ariana hadn't done the deeds herself. But she knew that excuse wouldn't hold water, so she grasped at the last straw available to her.

"As for Harold... His Majesty... did he have nothing to say about me?"

Helena smiled cruelly when she saw the desperate look in Ariana's eyes. She looked to be thoroughly enjoying the moment.

"His Majesty is busy having a wonderful time with Victoria—I mean, with Her Majesty. Much too busy to think about the likes of you, I'm sure."

"That can't be true... Does he know that I'm locked in here like this?"

"Of course he does. Who do you think ordered for you to be imprisoned here?"

Ariana felt an immense shock to the core of her being. Slowly lifting her head, she looked up at the ceiling. But she knew that the shock was only in her mind, despite feeling like a brick had just fallen on her from above. Ariana's world, the concern of no one except herself, was crumbling into despair. And Helena's grin broadened as she watched.

"Why... why is he so cruel to me? What did I do?"

"What did you do?"

Helena frowned for a moment, then bent over to make eye contact with Ariana. The lantern's flame flickered in her dark eyes.

"You should never have been born, Ariana."

"..."

"Mother says you remind her of the lord of the Eastern Kingdom whenever she sees you. It makes her sick. And I feel the same way. Every time I see you, I feel such deep pity for my mother. She was forced into a marriage and a pregnancy she didn't want with that terrible man."

The tears that Ariana thought had dried up sprang to her eyes again.

"Again, you should never have been born, Ariana. But since you were, we should at least get some use out of you, no?"

Helena gestured with her hand, and guards who had been hidden in the darkness stepped forward. Ariana hadn't even noticed Helena had brought them. Helena gave Ariana the sweetest of smiles.

"Don't you worry, Ariana. I'll make sure your death isn't all that terrible. After killing the former emperor and crown prince, you simply took your own life out of guilt. People will curse your name, of course, but I suppose the criticism will die down in due time once the Emperor charms them with his admirable policies."

Ariana watched blankly as her cell door was opened and the guards entered. She did not resist when they looped a rope around her neck. She only thought: She had been wrong to want love or affection in the first place. And it had been a sin to trust anybody. She'd wanted to keep living even though no one wanted her, and she'd even hoped for love on top of that. This was her just punishment.

The coarse rope tightened around her neck, but Ariana did not struggle. She did resolve to herself, however, that if she ever got a second chance at life, she would no longer strive to be loved or trust anybody. She would bear the weight of her sin, her birth, silently without struggle.

Not that I'll ever get a second chance.

Ariana laughed at her silly wish as she died. Her skin was cracked and her hair had fallen out, but her pretty features were suffused with a smile.

Helena felt a brief chill, but the moment quickly passed.

Ariana's frail body soon ceased to move, and her painful gasping and moaning ended. That day was actually Ariana's birthday, April 20th of the 222nd year by the Rattan calendar. Ariana, the wife of Count Alfrehi of the Western Kingdom, was apparently driven to suicide by her guilt for the deaths of the former emperor and crown prince.

September, Rattan 222. The ruler of the Northern Kingdom, Cyrus Carrha, declared the independence of his kingdom, now the Arkana Empire, while raising an army against the Cameria Empire.

April 20, Rattan 224. The Cameria Empire fell, starting with the Eastern Kingdom and ending with the Western Kingdom as well. The heads of Emperor Harold and Empress Victoria were hung from the walls of the palace in Cameria. They were executed for assassinating the former emperor and the crown prince. It happened exactly two years after Ariana's death.